Guarding Life

I love what I call tiny tales, the simple, ordinary moments in our lives that reveal such depth, poignancy and connection.  So, this is a tiny tale about how intuition works in the 24/7.  If you aren't as connected to your right brain as you would like, read on. Intuitive insight is a lifesaver and comes in many tasty flavors. The intuitive way, the right thinking way, has saved my very guarded life time and again, as well as the guarded lives of countless others.  Perception is everything.  And when the world is going so fast, and change is inevitable, here is a way to find that fixed spot within all that motion.

Let me set the stage.  This tiny tale begins with a familiar and epic rite of passage - our son Maxwell going off to college.  A rite of passage for so many.  Our launching was, I have no doubt, typical for the millions of college students who head off every fresh fall for campuses around the globe. I was surprisingly joyous and excited those first few days.  A touch of sadness, but truly, the excitement I felt on Max's behalf eclipsed many of the I wish he were still at home feelings.

Now, let me be clear.  This joy and excitement lasted approximately four days.  Then, CONFLICT.  A capital letter word for a capital letter feeling. It all started innocently enough.

It began on a Monday, the first day of classes. Max saw a notice that the Student Center was in need of lifeguards.  Oh, Max thinks.  I'm a lifeguard. I'll check this out.  On campus the first day of classes and already a potential new job. It all happened so fast.  He called home to get some information from his certification card, applied and had an interview by Tuesday night.

What a wonderful beginning! (Can you feel where this is heading?)  He loved his classes and his professors.  He was settling in and starting college.  He had made some great new connections and now a new job his first day!  It was all going so smoothly, so brilliantly, so sun-shiny golden and bright.  Does this smack of a little perfection through my rose-colored glasses? Sound familiar?  It is amazing how fast we want familiar and safe in something new and different.  Ah, if I were watching this unfold on the Lifetime channel, only five minutes into the movie, I could have told you where this plot was going.  Laugh out loud.  Life imitates art.

Well, here comes the life part. 

On Wednesday, he called home on another matter and I asked if he knew anything about the job.  He said he had a phone message earlier in the day saying they had filled the position and they would keep his application on file.  And here is where the CONFLICT arrived.  Thud, stop action, plot unravels.  Oh, I say.  Then came the barrage of questions like rapid fire bullets.  Did she say why?  What did you say to her? Oh, it was a message?  You didn't talk to her?  You didn't ask why you didn't get the job?  Don't you want to know why you didn't get the job?  Why didn't you call her back. Why? How come?  Huh...ah...oh.

I can now feel the tension (hell, all those questions just now read like a pack of snarling, hungry wild dogs.) My very wise son says, "Can't it just have been an experience?"  Me, the queen of experiences in the work I do, stumbles and spins and says, "Uh, yes, of course, huh...ah...oh."  We hang up with the pack of wild dogs still circling. I immediately text him and say,

 "I love you.  I heard you about it's all just experience and I get that and I will back up next time. You at college is a brave new world for me! lol...peace."

And he texts back:  "I love you too and I have to remember that as well.  I am the one having the experience and you all are here to witness that, I just have to remember that witnessing can be just as new and scary as experiencing."

Sigh.  Pause.  Tears.  What a beautiful message, so wise and loving.  And I was there for awhile, in that beautiful and calm place.  Three or four seconds.  But those MOTHER of all rational brain cells are STRONG people.  Though a big part of me felt the freedom for Max to have experiences, the Mother, the why didn't you hire my kid - he is an amazing lifeguard -  the best AND  he could use the job, just didn't get it. Did not compute.  Why the opportunity? Why his brilliant execution and follow-thru only to be told 'thanks, but no thanks?'  

The circling pack of wild dogs had quieted some, but they were still looking for fresh meat.

Well, fast forward a week and I am sharing the story with a dear friend.  She is very moved by the witnessing vs experiencing of Max's message and she says, 'it's so clear that he is not to be lifeguarding at this time.'  DING, a bell rung in my head. The pack of wild dogs disappeared. Message received.  A turn of a phrase - a change in perception.  Life - Guarding, not a Lifeguard.  The experience, not the role. No longer was the thought why wasn't he right for the job, it was replaced with is the job right for him?  At this time?  In this place? 

Fall quarter of your freshman year is a time for new experiences, trying new things, being open to life - not watching it, observing it, guarding it.  And the why not him conflict (lower case)  dissolved,  not his role -  not his part to play - not his identity. 

 And that last mother of a brain cell was gone.

Share.  I am curious. What are your tiny tales of intuitive insight that calm your mind, open your heart and sooth that pack of wild dogs?  

Where are you still trapped in the mother of all rational brain cells, guarding life -  not living it?

Let's play.  With words. With images. With  feelings. There is a code - a tumbler-aligning, safe cracking code. Can you feel the tumblers line up?  Fall into place?   Open up that safe place and live free.  No lifeguard on duty.

It's a new fresh fall quarter.