Weird Is The New Black

WEIRD

Though I am not much of a trend-setter when it comes to fashion, weird is a color I wear well.  You see, I've embraced my inner weird.  And my Halloween wish for all of you is to embrace yours.

Yes, wear your weird, just like a Halloween costume, everyday of the year. 

Let me tell you how weird came on the radar today of all days. 

I first started this post a couple of weeks ago.  It was a great title but I just didn't know what I wanted to say,  so I set in aside.  I returned to the topic last week but still felt that I needed more time. Ironically enough, I woke up this morning with 'weird' on the brain.  I started to chuckle at the timing of posting Weird Is The New Black on Halloween. 

Perfect.

Weird: [wyrd] concerned with or controlling fate or destiny, unearthly or uncanny, fantastic.

My observation is that we are all weird and we expend so much energy appearing to be normal. (I have long since discovered that normal doesn't exist because it is constantly changing.)  Well, rest assured, that if weird is the new normal, all that energy can do something much more creative and fun.

So, let me tell you the story of how I came to celebrate weird as the new black today with a technique called Telling The Story Backwards. This exercise, a terrific Martha Beck coaching tool, is rather like The House That Jack Built or There Was An Old Lady Who Swallow A Fly.  (Fly swallowing is a great tale to tell on Halloween!)

1. I noticed a post by coach Sherold Barr on Facebook about her interview with Seth Godin and his new book We Are All Weird. (That got my attention.)

2. I clicked on the link and read the article which led me to Seth Godin's site where I read about the new book. We Are All Weird  "is a celebration of choice, of treating different people differently and of embracing the notion that everyone deserves the dignity and respect that comes from being heard. The book calls for end of mass and for the beginning of offering people more choices, more interests and giving them more authority to operate in ways that reflect their own unique values." 


We Are All Weird by Seth Godin



3.  I was struck by the title because what I now do as my work in the world is weird (uncanny/fantastic) and I am a very mainstream kinda gal.  I am at the intersection of intuitive healing and life coaching.  You can call it intuitive coaching or life healing (that one has a nice ring to it).

4. In my work with a new business coach, Laurie Foley, she assigned  Book Yourself Solid by Michael Port. In making my way through the book, the author asks a series of questions to generate ideas, responses and information about serving your ideal clients. It was a simple exercise that started with a simple question called the who and do what statement.  His example was: I help professional service providers book themselves solid.  My immediate response for myself was:   I'm the gal you come to when weird shows up in your life.

5. I became 'the gal you come to when weird shows up in your life' because weird is what happened to me in 2001.  I spent five years with a collection of strange neurological disorders that turned my life upside down and inside out.  After the first year or so, I began to call the symptoms, The Weirdness. I spent almost five years in the western medical community seeking answers to this change in my health and my life. It took embracing my 'weirdness' to open the door to a much bigger, broader world.  At the time, I had fairly conventional views about what was possible. I was invited by my experiences to open to a whole new world of possibilities and to connect with an untapped creative potential within myself.  This required that I accept the weirdness that was coming through me. In telling the story backwards, it is poignant how life has made the most of this really scary, challenging time in my life.  It was a time that in turn led to the discovery a powerful light that I can use to guide others through the dark and scary places in their lives.  How is that for a weird twist of fate...or is it destiny?

I will leave you to decide for yourself.

There is something strangely, dare I say, weirdly poetic, about how all of this has unfolded.  Destiny or not, I feel uniquely prepared to be of service in the weird department, the uncanny, and unearthly department, all the while having my very practical, feet planted on the ground.

What is popping out in your life today?  What word, idea or image keeps showing up?  Mine was weird and this has given me some excellent clues in the house that's been built through Mary. What is life building with you?  Pay attention.  Destiny may be knocking at the door to your house.  Don't be spooked if it is dressed in black.  I hear it's in fashion this season.

The Kerchunk of Truth

The Rings of Belief



Close your eyes.

Now, say the word truth and feel, see, hear where it lands in your body. 

Now, say the word belief and feel, see, hear where it lands in your body.

Were they different? 

Did you find that truth had a weight to it, a sound to it, that was different than belief?

I did. 

The first time this happened, I experienced the sound of truth. The feeling of truth. It went kerchunk.  It landed just like a slug in a jukebox or the stone thrown in the pond.

Belief on the other hand hovered:   no landing, no feeling, no kerchunk. 

The energy of these two words was very different.  This surprised me.  At one time, I would have told you that the meaning, the quality and the feeling of these two words was the same. 

Not now.  Not so.  Not after the kerchunk.

The stone (truth) is that which cuts through and lands solidly at the bottom of the pond and the rings (belief) are the ripples upon the water that dissolve until a new truth drops in and creates more waves of belief. 

I like the way this feels.  I like the way this sounds. That which feels unshakable and that which feels shaky.  This visceral kerchunk. It is very freeing to have a belief, especially one that feels painful and limiting, be just that; a limiting belief.  Now, some beliefs may stand the test of time and one day become a truth.  The little acorn of belief that grew up to be a truth.   This thought never occurred to me before...a belief evolving into a truth.  Interesting.  An interesting idea.

So, if you are wresting with a belief that has you in its grip, and it feels painful and limiting, throw it in the pond and watch - feel - listen.

Does it go kerchunk?  Or does it merely make rings in the shallows; waves on the surface of your life?

Monkey Mind Meet eGoat



A happy eGoat!

 Yes, I'm going where you think I'm going.

What gave it away? 

The title?

My aforementioned quirky sense of humor?

Or the picture of a large, smiling goat? 

Credit for this clever post goes to that 'funny you would 'see' that... this is your intuition speaking' connection. Literally.


Here's the story.

I was coaching a woman through some old beliefs about herself and what was possible. She was dealing with feelings of guilt and shame about her past and we were gently moving through these much like playing with a wiggling tooth that is almost, but not quite ready, to come out.


I asked her to close her eyes and connect with where in her body she noticed the feelings of shame and guilt. As she got quiet and relaxed, this image popped into my mind.  Visual images are my speciality. The scene was at a children's petting zoo and the goats were being fed. Ah, I think, a goat will eat anything, anytime, anywhere. They are not choosy animals about what they are willing to digest. I had a hunch that it represented the energy of guilt and shame and just like the goat, the ego can be fed in much the same way.

I shared the image with her and after we had a good laugh, she experienced the deeper meaning in the message of the outstretched hand. The goat was already being fed. A small handful of food. She saw that she was free not to feed it anything else.  The guilt and the shame were coming from an old, small place and the idea of the goat and its endless appetite shifted her thoughts about what purpose the guilt and shame were serving. This shift gave her a sense of freedom and liberation and this new self felt free and ready to move on. She realized the 'eGoat' would be fed in small ways everyday and she was free to direct the bigger, richer part of her energy and passions elsewhere. She AND her eGoat were very happy.

The idea of the goat and its endless and indiscriminate appetite reminded me of the metaphor of the Monkey Mind. Wikipedia defines Monkey Mind as,  "a Buddhist term meaning "unsettled, restless, capricious, fanciful, inconstant, indecisive, uncontrollable."  The reference to Monkey Mind has appeared in thousands of books and articles on subjects ranging from meditation and mindfulness to psychology and self-help.  It is a phrase that speaks for itself. 

I too felt like the eGoat speaks for itself. 

So, the eGoat - Wikipedia listing might read something like this:   eGoat, from the Latin “ego” meaning sense of ‘conceit’ and the Middle English word “goat” [goht] associated with scapegoat or victim; it is an American term meaning ‘insatiable, rabid, starving, ravenous, voracious, avid, greedy, devouring, unquenchable.”

Monkey Mind meet your new friend eGoat.

Ready to Fall

It's time.

Really, it's time.

Change is in the air.  In the leaves. In your hands.

I love the fall.  Favorite season.  I was born in November - a thanksgiving baby.  There is something inspiring and beautiful in this brilliant death. Yes, death.  On this sunny, autumn October Monday, I want to talk about death.  Brilliant, beautiful death.  Transient death.  That is how I want you to see it, death as change.  Because it's true.  We die into life each and every day. Death and rebirth, death and rebirth, death and rebirth.

To every season, turn, turn, turn.  It is ready to fall's turn.

Now, the cycle part is often lost on us in our daily 24/7. Our lives are full, often stable and well ordered, even in the crazy not enough time, never enough time sort of way. And then, that catalytic event. And  like that brilliant leaf above, we feel the days shorten, the light dim, the temperature drop.

"In early autumn, in response to the shortening days and declining intensity of sunlight, leaves begin the processes leading up to their fall. The veins that carry fluids into and out of the leaf gradually close off as a layer of cells forms at the base of each leaf. These clogged veins trap sugars in the leaf and promote production of anthocyanins. Once this separation layer is complete and the connecting tissues are sealed off, the leaf is ready to fall."*

Huh, even though the author is writing about why leaves change color, isn't that a perfect description of a human experience, clogged, sugary veins and all?  Or as I like to say, an animal, vegetable, miracle experience. Betcha didn't know you were producing so much anthocyanins?  Or maybe your not.  Maybe you've lost your color,  your pigment palette of color.   Have you lost the ability to change from feeling blue to radiant red?  Or, the reference to the leaf separating from the tree.  "Once this separation layer is complete and the connecting tissues are sealed off before the leaf is ready to fall."  Brilliant.  Apply that to a couple going through a rough patch in their relationship and you've got gold...gold leaf that is.

It's time.

Really, it's time.

I have a mantra that has served me well as I have gone through a major ten year change cycle in my own life.  I offer it now to you.

Use everything and hold on to nothing. 

And to that end, let's use the brilliant beauty of the ready to fall leaves to create change in your life. 

I am the Queen of Metaphors.  I have a crown and everything.  I see them everywhere.  The connections, the threads, the patterns.  And just like a quilter, I piece them together to create something unique, beautiful, inspiring and peace-full.  I won't go into all the reasons why metaphors are incredibly powerful and useful.  There is a lot of great research, science and psychology to explain.  Trust me on this one.  It works.

So, here is a tool to use when you feel the day closing in, the light dimming and the passing belief that the world is a very cold place.

Ready to Fall Exercise

1.  Close your eyes.
2.  Breathe (when in doubt - breathe. Or better yet, let life breathe for you...it really already does.)
3.  Imagine yourself as a tree.  Any tree you like.
4.  See this tree clearly.  Fill in all the details.  The soil, the bark, the size of the trunk, the number of branches, where you are planted.  Truly, the more detailed and specific, the juicier the insights and information. 
5.  Now, shift your attention to the leaves.  Notice the colors.  Are they mixed?  Do you have greens with some reds and oranges and yellows? Alert:  Random thought to follow.  (This is very like the stray grey hair that shows up as the 'leaves' on our heads are turning.  Just like that colored leaf - that is the grey hair.)
6.  Does one particular leaf catch your attention?  Notice it, really see what it looks like.  Where is it located on the tree?
7.  Now, ask this leaf "what do you want me to know?"  And you know what...and this is the amazing part -  the remember my mantra "use everything"  EVEN when talking to an imaginary leaf, on an imaginary tree that represents some aspect of YOU part, the amazing thing is... the leaf will answer you back!  Every time. Now, for some, it will be a shout.  Clear, loud, nothing to miss.  For some, it will be a whisper, a fleeting glimpse, a misty possibility.  No matter, pay attention.  This is your intuition speaking.  In the only language it knows.
8.  The alchemy of this exercise.  The leaf has just become something else.  It now carries the energy of what do you want me to know and setting that energy in motion.
9.  Depending on the response from #7, this leaf may now just fall, one of the early to turn, low-hanging leaves to fall away or it may be the last of the leaves on the tree, clinging to that branch for one last lingering look.  In your mind's eye, see what the leaf wants to do.  Watch it, honor it, respect it.  There is a deeper wisdom that knows, just like the leaf, when it is ready to die, to fall away.  The leaf will know.
10.  With your eyes still closed, express your gratitude, (or surprise, excitement, fascination) with the exercise, open your eyes and jot some quick notes.  Note what the leaf represented, no matter how weird or strange (in my opinion, the weirder the better),  what fell away from the tree, what let go and what wasn't ready.  Affirm in your journal that something died so that something new can be born.

Repeat this exercise both on cold blue days and red hot brilliant ones. 

One brilliantly colored leaf at a time.

Share your Ready to Fall - setting energy in motion stories. 

It's time.

*Cited from an article "Why Leaves Change Color" by the USDA Forest Service http://www.na.fs.fed.us/fhp/pubs/leaves/leaves.shtm

Guarding Life

I love what I call tiny tales, the simple, ordinary moments in our lives that reveal such depth, poignancy and connection.  So, this is a tiny tale about how intuition works in the 24/7.  If you aren't as connected to your right brain as you would like, read on. Intuitive insight is a lifesaver and comes in many tasty flavors. The intuitive way, the right thinking way, has saved my very guarded life time and again, as well as the guarded lives of countless others.  Perception is everything.  And when the world is going so fast, and change is inevitable, here is a way to find that fixed spot within all that motion.

Let me set the stage.  This tiny tale begins with a familiar and epic rite of passage - our son Maxwell going off to college.  A rite of passage for so many.  Our launching was, I have no doubt, typical for the millions of college students who head off every fresh fall for campuses around the globe. I was surprisingly joyous and excited those first few days.  A touch of sadness, but truly, the excitement I felt on Max's behalf eclipsed many of the I wish he were still at home feelings.

Now, let me be clear.  This joy and excitement lasted approximately four days.  Then, CONFLICT.  A capital letter word for a capital letter feeling. It all started innocently enough.

It began on a Monday, the first day of classes. Max saw a notice that the Student Center was in need of lifeguards.  Oh, Max thinks.  I'm a lifeguard. I'll check this out.  On campus the first day of classes and already a potential new job. It all happened so fast.  He called home to get some information from his certification card, applied and had an interview by Tuesday night.

What a wonderful beginning! (Can you feel where this is heading?)  He loved his classes and his professors.  He was settling in and starting college.  He had made some great new connections and now a new job his first day!  It was all going so smoothly, so brilliantly, so sun-shiny golden and bright.  Does this smack of a little perfection through my rose-colored glasses? Sound familiar?  It is amazing how fast we want familiar and safe in something new and different.  Ah, if I were watching this unfold on the Lifetime channel, only five minutes into the movie, I could have told you where this plot was going.  Laugh out loud.  Life imitates art.

Well, here comes the life part. 

On Wednesday, he called home on another matter and I asked if he knew anything about the job.  He said he had a phone message earlier in the day saying they had filled the position and they would keep his application on file.  And here is where the CONFLICT arrived.  Thud, stop action, plot unravels.  Oh, I say.  Then came the barrage of questions like rapid fire bullets.  Did she say why?  What did you say to her? Oh, it was a message?  You didn't talk to her?  You didn't ask why you didn't get the job?  Don't you want to know why you didn't get the job?  Why didn't you call her back. Why? How come?  Huh...ah...oh.

I can now feel the tension (hell, all those questions just now read like a pack of snarling, hungry wild dogs.) My very wise son says, "Can't it just have been an experience?"  Me, the queen of experiences in the work I do, stumbles and spins and says, "Uh, yes, of course, huh...ah...oh."  We hang up with the pack of wild dogs still circling. I immediately text him and say,

 "I love you.  I heard you about it's all just experience and I get that and I will back up next time. You at college is a brave new world for me! lol...peace."

And he texts back:  "I love you too and I have to remember that as well.  I am the one having the experience and you all are here to witness that, I just have to remember that witnessing can be just as new and scary as experiencing."

Sigh.  Pause.  Tears.  What a beautiful message, so wise and loving.  And I was there for awhile, in that beautiful and calm place.  Three or four seconds.  But those MOTHER of all rational brain cells are STRONG people.  Though a big part of me felt the freedom for Max to have experiences, the Mother, the why didn't you hire my kid - he is an amazing lifeguard -  the best AND  he could use the job, just didn't get it. Did not compute.  Why the opportunity? Why his brilliant execution and follow-thru only to be told 'thanks, but no thanks?'  

The circling pack of wild dogs had quieted some, but they were still looking for fresh meat.

Well, fast forward a week and I am sharing the story with a dear friend.  She is very moved by the witnessing vs experiencing of Max's message and she says, 'it's so clear that he is not to be lifeguarding at this time.'  DING, a bell rung in my head. The pack of wild dogs disappeared. Message received.  A turn of a phrase - a change in perception.  Life - Guarding, not a Lifeguard.  The experience, not the role. No longer was the thought why wasn't he right for the job, it was replaced with is the job right for him?  At this time?  In this place? 

Fall quarter of your freshman year is a time for new experiences, trying new things, being open to life - not watching it, observing it, guarding it.  And the why not him conflict (lower case)  dissolved,  not his role -  not his part to play - not his identity. 

 And that last mother of a brain cell was gone.

Share.  I am curious. What are your tiny tales of intuitive insight that calm your mind, open your heart and sooth that pack of wild dogs?  

Where are you still trapped in the mother of all rational brain cells, guarding life -  not living it?

Let's play.  With words. With images. With  feelings. There is a code - a tumbler-aligning, safe cracking code. Can you feel the tumblers line up?  Fall into place?   Open up that safe place and live free.  No lifeguard on duty.

It's a new fresh fall quarter.