Nice Is A Four Letter Word

There is something about this word... nice that is well, not so nice. Lately, I have used this expression a few times with my girlfriends and it never fails that when I say "nice, now that is a four letter word" they laugh. And well, who doesn't like to make people laugh. But my hunch is, the laugh comes because there is a truth to it that these friends recognize. For years, I made so many choices in my life because it was REALLY important to be liked...really important to be NICE. Little did I know, I who didn't use four letter words because it wasn't...you get it...nice, actually was one big four letter word. Nice has an edge to it, nice has a power that looks for how it can be indispensable to others. Nice takes hostages, keeps scores, remembers, yes indeed, nice remembers. There wasn't much freedom in nice, the definition of a nice girl was narrowly defined and I found myself over the years in the ever-increasing "nice-box." Eventually, nice caught up with me...the time and energy it took to live through this filter literally exhausted me. I spent several years experiencing an unexplained illness. It was a scary, overwhelming time that took nice right off the table. There wasn't the time or energy to keep nice in the forefront any longer...it was a time to focus on myself and what was happening inside. I remember as I went through this illness, I was so afraid I would lose the best part of me. I knew deep inside that my empathy and my caring for others was the best I had to offer and I had confused this with being nice and helpful and taking care of everyone. Well, as I went through this illness and out the other side, I discovered that where "nice" was left behind, kindness took it's place.

Kind...I love this word and the feel of it. I think it has a very different feel and quality than nice. I had found the freedom to treat myself with kindness and compassion that came from the inside...that's where I found kindness..."the nice-nest within." Being nice felt like it came from with-out and was about control and the truth was I didn't feel very nice inside. But kind, truly, I experience that feeling inside. So now, when some says to me, "you are so nice..." I acknowledge their experience but know that I feel the kindness that was expressed coming through me and we both have experienced something special. I was curious about how the dictionary defined nice versus kind and I was interested to see that kind was defined with words like love, benevolent, gentle, mild and nice was pleasing, agreeable, precision, skillful. And there lies the difference...using the "art versus science" metaphor, nice is more exacting, like science and kind, an art.


So many gods, so many creeds,
So many paths that wind and wind,
While just the art of being kind
Is all the sad world needs.

~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

When you carry out acts of kindness you get a wonderful feeling inside. It is as though something inside your body responds and says, yes, this is how I ought to feel.

~Harold Kushner

Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. The third is to be kind.

~Henry James

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

~Mark Twain

The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own.

~Benjamin Disraeli